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On The Blog

Monday, 19 October 2026



For the longest time I’ve felt lost. It’s almost become a personality trait at this point and something I identify with so strongly that I can’t separate myself from that one word, “lost”. I thought I had done all the things that I needed to do: I went to school, made a few friends, attended university, graduated, and got myself a well paying job. Since then I’ve used my time (and money) to indulge in some of my favourite things…travelling to new places and attending concerts - there’s nothing quite like it. Whenever you’re in a new city or standing in the crowd at a concert of your favourite artist it’s almost as if you’re rewriting who you are; you can be whoever you want to be in those moments. Every single person around you is a stranger and yet…when you stop for a moment you have this overwhelming realisation that even though no one knows you, neither do you.

I’m approaching a milestone birthday and maybe this is why I am completely and utterly spiralling but I have never felt so overwhelmed, so defeated, or so lost. I stood in my shower last week thinking about all the things I wanted to say in my first essay and my thoughts flashed through my mind too quickly to eloquently put them down in writing but I’ll try.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m leaving the chapter of my beloved 20s behind and entering into my 30s but I’m scared. I sit with the feeling that I am so incredibly privileged to be ageing but at the same time I feel so behind. I stood in that shower questioning everything. Did I do everything I wanted to do in my 20s? Have I done enough? Am I enough? I thought back to my hopes and dreams as a child and wondered if I’d made 'little me' proud. It was at this point that I started to cry because I felt such a strong “no” enter my heart. I don’t think I have made her proud. I realised that I don’t have the job I dreamed of having, I don’t look the way I thought I would at this age, and I wonder if I did a huge disservice to younger me by not being more ambitious in my career. I think at some point I started prioritising my comfort and became such a homebody that maybe I missed out on certain aspects of life. I was happy though, so why am I so hard on myself?



I was in Rome recently on a mother-daughter trip with my mum (naturally) and as we explored the little streets and neighbourhoods on our final day we did what we do best: chat about life - the good and the bad, the sweet and the sour. It was going well until my mum suddenly said, “I think you’ve settled in life”. I immediately got defensive and went straight to asking “what do you mean?”, she simply repeated herself. My frustration grew and I asked her for examples (because that’s how I work best) and she answered with, “you used to have all these dreams and things you wanted to do and I feel like you’ve forgotten about all of them”. The defensiveness continued because as we walked along all I could think about was how at one point the things I used to dream about were suddenly no longer of interest to me. I used to dream about fashion and writing articles for a magazine, often cutting out pictures from magazines and attempting to create my own. I would live my The Devil Wears Prada life, only without the toxicity and drama.

As time went on and I gained experience in that field I realised that there was so much judgement and, for want of a better word, “bitchiness” amongst people I probably would’ve called my colleagues. I had enough of that at school and almost silently decided that wasn’t the route I was going to take. I moved onto a well paid job that saw my value and rewarded me for working hard rather than making me feel obsolete or replaceable. I had attended some smaller fashion week events and brand events and saw that even on a smaller scale I would get those looks…you know the ones, the side glances from more popular creators or the clique of girls that would always attend events together. They were more seasoned and they knew it whereas I was just a fish out of water…I wouldn’t last. I guess I didn’t.

It’s funny because I look back on my life so far and I can pinpoint the exact moment I had my first regret. Unfortunately, little did I know, that would be the start of a small domino effect of regrets tick-tacking at the back of my mind haunting me with the decisions I could’ve made. I need to remember though that the choices I made led me exactly to where I am now. A roof over my head, a strong family bond, a loving relationship with a man who only sees my strengths, and a dog so cute that my camera roll often threatens to overwhelm my phone storage at the drop of a hat. My life is full of love and yet I choose to see the negative. I’m aware of this flaw in my perspective but I find it so hard to change.


At what point can I expect to feel completely content? My mind feels turbulent at best and I live in constant fight or flight mode so much so that I forget what it’s like to give my nervous system a break. I dream of the day that my life sounds like that saxophone cover of ‘Sparks’ by Coldplay. To some the lyrics are sad/melancholy and yet this particular instrumental version paints a picture of better days, pure happiness, the pinnacle of success in my mind.

I want to stay in my 20s because it’s where I feel safest and I know I’ve got more to give to these years. I want to hold onto that youthful charm and make younger me proud because she deserves it. I long for inner peace and I can only hope that my 30s feel like an extension of my 20s in the best way possible. I can’t promise that the 'lost' feeling I drag around with me day after day will subside but maybe it can be extinguished gradually.

What about my dreams? I hear you ask.

Dreaming doesn’t stop forever but it can get put on hold, so I as hit publish on my first essay I make a pledge to start dreaming again.

I deserve it and so do you.

Wednesday, 4 June 2025

TXT Concert 2025 | Not Vicarious

Hey lovelies!

Unintentionally, 2025 has become the year of KPOP concerts. I won't say that it has been an entire fluke or just pure luck but more so that KPOP groups are FINALLY coming to Europe on their tours! I can't believe that it has taken some artists this long to come here but I am incredibly grateful and beyond ecstatic that I can see the groups I love and listen to on a regular basis in concert.

So far I have been to two concerts: Ateez and Tomorrow x Together! Ateez were absolutely incredible and the fact that I can tick seeing 'Bouncy' live off of my KPOP bucketlist is beyond surreal! Every single member was so powerful in their delivery of both their live vocals and their dance, and I was genuinely in awe of how hard they worked on that stage.

TXT were also such cool performers and I loved the way that they balanced the sweet, cute songs with drum solos, grungier themes, strong choreography, and...a bloody lip (poor Yeonjun). The members were so happy to be in London after such a long time and we were equally as happy to welcome them with open arms. I can actually say that I was in the same room as Soobin so I truly felt like I was winning at life because that man is one of the kindest human beings to ever exist!

Ateez and TXT might have had such different vibes but they both absolutely blew me away with their performances. They helped me start the year on such a good note and I can't wait to continue the series of KPOP concerts with Stray Kids in July, and Enhypen in August.

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Tuesday, 3 June 2025

Blow Dry & Style Hair | Not Vicarious

Hey lovelies!

I started off 2025 with a mental list of things that I wanted to learn throughout the year, one of which related to styling my hair more. I feel like this is something that I should've learnt a long time ago but I kept telling myself that I just wouldn't be any good at it. I've never really been one to style my hair on a regular basis and even though I know how to straighten and curl it, I'm not exactly clued up on how to style it with a blow dryer...

I know that in today's day and age you can easily watch a tutorial at the click of a button but when it came to learning the art of the perfect blowout/blowdry I was craving something more. I opted for a real life tutorial instead by kindly asking my hairdresser to add on a blow dry at the end of my last haircut. Thankfully she had the time so I made use of both her expertise and the process going on in front of me to learn as much as I possibly could. It proved to be incredibly useful!

Blow Dry & Style Hair | Not Vicarious

Fast forward to me attempting it for the very first time, alone, in front of my mirror a few days later though and I was daunted. The last thing I wanted to do was fry my hair off by going over each section one too many times and drying it out! So there I sat, blow dryer in one hand and a round brush in the other staring wide eyed at my reflection, haha.

I worked out that the key for me was to take my time and that way I could get to understand the drying and styling process when it was my own hands doing the work. Overall it can be an incredibly repetitive process especially when you've got wavy/curly hair like me and you need to get it straight before you can even think about doing any real styling.

Blow Dry & Style Hair | Not Vicarious

After I finished my first attempt, I felt such a sense of pride. Once you learn how to do a blowdry/blowout it becomes more of a tedious process than a difficult one. I was personally thrilled that I could finally do it and actually do it relatively well! The way it made me feel was similar to that of a really good makeup day. Not only did it boost my confidence and make me feel beautiful, but it also left me feeling stylish and put together. What more could I want?

Looking ahead, it might not be something that I do after every hairwash since it probably won't do my hair any good, but it's a great option for when I'm going somewhere special or I just want to feel like my best self.

How do you find styling your hair with a blow dryer? Did it take you a few tries to get it looking somewhat professionally done?

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Monday, 2 June 2025

Summer Playlist 2025

Hey lovelies!

I haven't done one of these posts in such a long time but I remember that they were always one of my favourites!

Summer is well and truly on its way and I thought that it would be a good idea to list some of my favourite songs for the Summer so far. Will most of them be KPOP? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely not, haha!

I'm sure that this list will grow as the Summer months go on but here is what I'm loving so far:

1. Don't Say You Love Me - Jin
2. Mona Lisa - J-Hope
3. Python - GOT7
4. Gnarly - Katseye (don't judge me, I lowkey love the choreo!)
5. Nutty Nutty - Baekho ft. Jessi
6. Duh! - P1Harmony
7. HOT - LE SSERAFIM
8. Something Ain't Right - XG
9. Pretty Boy - P1Harmony
10. Love Language - Tomorrow x Together

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Sunday, 1 June 2025

June 2025 Reading List | Not Vicarious

Hey lovelies!

Can you believe that we are already halfway through the year? For BTS fans like myself, June 2025 is one of the most important months in the history of BTS. All members will officially be returning from the military and the group will be reunited after 2 and a half years; I for one cannot wait! 💜

I felt like doing something a little bit extra for this month and centre my blog posts around BTS, KPOP, and South Korea (my travel post is in the works), with Summer content sprinkled in there too of course! I know that this might not be to everyone's taste but since I use my blog as a scrapbook for my memories and inner musings, I thought that I would really enjoy it. Who knows, I might even gain a whole new group of readers!

First up, I have my reading list for June 2025! Much like my blog, I wanted to focus my book choices around BTS and/or Korean Literature. If you follow me on my BookTok or Bookstagram then you will know that I have already read a couple of short stories within the Korean Literature genre. Unfortunately, I was left extremely disappointed so I'm hoping that I'll find something else in the genre that will really pull me in.

My goals for this month are to read/finish the following books:

BTS: Beyond The Story by BTS & Myeongseok Kang - A book written over the course of three years through interviews with the members of BTS. I'm already halfway through this book but I really want to keep going and get caught up with all the behind the scenes details from some of their most challenging times but also some of their happiest times too!

On BTS: Pop Music, Fandom, Sincerity by Lenika Cruz - This adorable purple coloured book has been on my TBR list for quite a while so I am very excited to start reading it this month. It's described as "A love letter to Korean pop sensation BTS and an ode to fandom". The book details Lenika's journey into the fandom as well as BTS's own journey into a part of the music industry that is much less inclusive.

I would love one more suggestion for my list so please leave me a comment or message me on my TikTok or Instagram! I'm wondering if Human Acts by Han Kang would be a good option, let me know!

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Friday, 30 May 2025

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

Hey lovelies!

I feel like I'm going to be constantly flipping back and forth in time with some of these upcoming posts. I really wanted to update you when these things actually happened but I was in such a content rut that I didn't think it was worth it. Woe is me, I know haha!

I will certainly be making up for that now and overloading you with posts because I still think it would be helpful to share them with you. Plus, they can serve their place here on my blog as incredible memories for me to look back on in the future. So, let's get into it!

Toronto, Ontario in Canada. A seemingly interesting city that I had absolutely no clue about other than the fact that it has the CN Tower. Some of the content creators I have followed piqued my interest after they frequently vlogged days out in Toronto, especially during the Summer. I really wanted to see what the fuss was all about, so off I went with my family on a two week holiday!

I would like to note however that in my experience two weeks in Toronto is way too long. The trips/experiences we did could have been done in a week and we still would have had time to relax in between. Saying that, it is a really beautiful city and definitely one to visit if you love eating out, having drinks at patios or even spending some time in nature!

After spending a chunk of time in Toronto, I started developing a list of my favourite spots. I thought that it would be a good idea to tell you a little bit about them and show them off to you with some pictures. Enjoy!

TOP 5 PLACES TO VISIT:

1. Berczy Park & the surrounding area

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

This area was so, so beautiful! The weather definitely helped but even so the architecture was stunning, there were a lot of pretty flowers blooming, and plenty of artwork to capture your eye. I was especially impressed by the illusion mural on the Gooderham Building (photo below); absolutely insane and so cool!

Both the park and the streets surrounding it had such a social energy to them with all the restaurants and cafes dotted around. I also loved how well the area mixed the traditional with the modern without making it seem like something was out of place.

A little side note for those who love the Flatiron Building in New York City, Toronto has its very own version! I was completely taken aback by the similarities and had to get my fair share of snaps because it genuinely felt like I was back in NYC staring up at the Flatiron Building we all know so well. The layout of the streets almost felt the same too...either way it's a definite must-see!

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

2. Toronto Harbour

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

A tranquil spot for those who might want a break from the hustle and bustle of people. Don't get me wrong, there were still people roaming around the Toronto Harbour area but it felt a lot less overwhelming than the streets where everyone was out wanting to enjoy the hot weather.

The harbour offers plenty of opportunities to take a seat, look out on the water, watch the boats pass by or even people watch. We actually visited this spot on our first full day and it was such a welcome break from all the exploring we had been doing.

A few days later we even came back to the same spot to catch the boat tour that took us all the way around the harbour. The views were great, good music was playing, the guide was providing interesting commentary, and the breeze was heavenly, but halfway through it did feel a little like the views meshed together. I'm not sure if it's because there were a lot of tall buildings but it all looked so similar and we wondered maybe the tour didn't need to be so long since the harbour wasn't massive. Food for thought but overall a good time!

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

3. CF Eaton Centre & Aura Centre

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

Hands down the best places to shop in Toronto! There are so many stores and so many different food options that it would be impossible not to have a good time. We especially enjoyed popping into the little Italian restaurant at the CF Eaton Centre close to the grocery store section. The menu isn't extensive but you are sure to find something that you like!

As for the Aura Centre...just wow! It is incredible and I had the best time walking around this mall, finding my favourite stores, and being SO tempted to purchase whatever caught my eye. I love a place with options and this had ALL the options with a variety of price ranges too!

The best part about the Aura Centre is that it had a food hall in the basement with a wonderfully ridiculous number of stalls. We spent ages walking around trying to narrow down our choices to just one or two. The Chinese food in particular was delicious and I wish we had gone back to have it again as it definitely ended up being my favourite.

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

4. Niagara on the Lake

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

For all my fellow Gilmore Girls fans, this was truly like the Canadian version of Stars Hollow! It was so quaint and beautiful that it felt like something out of a movie. We only had an hour and a half to spend here since it was just a stop en route to Niagara Falls but even though the stop was short and sweet, Niagara on the Lake truly captured our hearts.

I remember seeing a couple of Golden Retrievers walking around, flower beds springing up, lovely welcoming shop owners and best of all, there were Christmas shops open! Baring in mind we were visiting in August, this didn't stop us from getting into the Christmas spirit just enough to almost consider picking up some decorations. We had to quickly come to our senses though because where on earth were we going to keep things like that safe heading to a giant waterfall?!

If you're considering visiting Niagara Falls, please do yourself a favour and book a tour that stops off at Niagara on the Lake. It's truly a spot that I would recommend to anyone because of how it so beautifully contrasts everything that city life is not. I really wish we could have spent longer there!

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

5. Niagara Falls & the Skylon Tower

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

I can't believe that I am lucky enough to say that I visited Niagara Falls and that I even took the boat to get right up close to it. It was incredibly surreal and nothing like I have ever experienced before. There's something about a natural wonder that really puts things into perspective. We get bogged down with life and all the negative stuff that goes on but when you're standing in front of something so beautiful, it's hard to feel like any of that stuff matters.

I have SO many photos from this day and I can guarantee you that there is no ugly angle of the Falls! It is majestic no matter which way you look at it and if you're not brave enough to see the Falls up close, head up the Skylon Tower because the views are insane! Not only are the views visible all the way around but you also have the option of standing outside and walking the full 360°.

This might be a controversial opinion but having ventured up both the CN Tower and the Skylon Tower on our trip, I would choose the Skylon Tower every day of the week. Sadly the CN Tower was quite disappointing! You spend loads of time queuing up and by the time you get to the top it's packed with people and they've only made a small portion of the viewing platform accessible to you. Saying that, you could choose to pay extra and have a meal with a view round the other side. A shame really but pretty cool to look up at from ground level!

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

The Toronto Times - 5 Best Places To Visit | Not Vicarious

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

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