So the time has come to spread my wings and fly haha. I would argue that I'm still not ready but that's a different story, although I may delve into it a little bit here.
I guess this post is about figuring out why more people don't talk about the not so pretty side of moving out from their family home. We're always overloaded with photos on social media of the brand new set of keys and empty apartment/house tours but not so much the lonely crying sessions and bad days we get from being homesick.
Now that is by no means me saying that we can't post those things but in a world where a lot of us are so confident in telling the world how we feel, why is it so difficult to find somebody who is so honest about what moving out means for their relationships, their self confidence and their newfound "freedom" of living without their family?
I've been hit with the "things will never be the same" statement on more than one occasion and not in a negative "don't leave home" kind of way but more so in a factual "now that you're moving out, things will change". In all honesty, I'm not ready for change but I understand at some point it needs to happen and I've found myself in a situation that's not all bad. In fact, I'm extremely lucky!
A new home means a chance to decorate, furnish and style the place with things that you love and that complement your taste both individually and together with someone you love. A chance to be an adult and buy your own décor because who doesn't love that! On top of that, if you are so lucky that you get to live with a special someone in a new space then you can create your own life together. I know it's not all bad but I keep thinking of what it means for my current situation and what it potentially means that I might miss out on.
I love my family so much and for someone who literally cannot live without their mum it's really hard knowing I might not be able to spend time with her every single day like I do now or anyone in my family for that matter. I keep picturing myself crying in the bathroom at the new place or bursting into tears the moment they leave me as I stand in the hallway and the door closes. Dramatic, right? That's what I mean though, does it only seem dramatic because it's not a widely recorded moment or am I really just being dramatic?
In hopes of validating my own feelings, I would suggest it's the uncertainty that makes me feel like the situation is so scary and gut-wrenching. I left home to go to university but I knew that at the end of the three years I would come back. I had that end goal knowing I would be reunited with my family but this is different, once I leave...I leave. My mum keeps telling me that "this will always be your home" and I couldn't agree more - it's where I feel safest and it's where I feel most me.
I understand that I just need time to adapt and once I set things up and make the place feel like somewhere I belong then I can begin to see myself not being so heartbroken. I would like to note that my emotions and feelings on the topic are of somebody who hasn't moved out yet hence emotions are heightened and the uncertainty is at its peak haha.
I know I will confuse you in saying this but I know that it will be alright but I just don't know how it will be alright. In other words, things always have a way of working themselves out and I will be able to get the balance right between living my "new life" and keeping hold of my "old life" but the specific steps on how to reach that point are a little blurry.
I wish I had more people to relate to or someone to guide me, that's all. Online we can follow people who guide us on parenting, clothes styling, home décor, makeup, fitness, etc. but where are those people who can tell you "it's okay to feel sad about moving out from home, here are some things I did that helped me". Why on such a common thing do I feel like we are left to our own devices? I'm telling you I have no devices and I need help hahaha!
With that said, I am looking forward to this next chapter because I can finally put my BTS album in prime position! I'm totally kidding but in a whirlwind of LED desk lights, pampas grass, IKEA furniture and kitchen cabinet door options, amongst many other things, I am excited to have a new place to call home. Sometimes it's more about counting your blessings in times where you feel lost or the future is uncertain that matters most.
I am conscious that this isn't your usual "I'm moving!!" post haha but I thought I would be honest especially for those of us who don't find these types of things so easy. That being said, please do look forward to more posts about my move and how I choose to navigate this very new life change!
Until next time...
Love always, Stephanie