Not Vicarious

Hey lovelies!!

Home. Home to me can be a person, a place or even myself. I don't believe that there is just one home for me in this universe, I think people can have multiple so they feel comfortable wherever they go.

I often find myself referencing things in my head that I view as 'home' because they either make me feel safe, loved or secure or all those things combined. I can have more than one physical home, for example: my family home and my own home, just as I can feel at home with a partner, at a BTS concert (one day), in Seoul by the river or alone dancing to my favourite music.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't have to be about a physical building in the conventional way we view a home for it to be classified as one but rather sometimes it's more about the way something feels that makes it a home to you.

I once told somebody that: I guess that home stays in your heart. When someone is no longer around (for example, a family member) they don't stop being your home because that home is now in your mind. You could revisit memories or some find comfort "talking" to that person as though they're still around. A partner can be your home and you go to them for safety, to feel comfort, etc. You can also be your own home. You simply just change which one you go to depending on what you need.

In one of my previous posts I touched on how leaving home is a shock. I know that even though it's still there and it still exists, my relationship with it has adapted slightly because I've left it, but it will always be my favourite home and where I feel most me. It was where I did all my growing up, it's where my family is and it's pretty much all I've ever known up until recently.

Over the last year, I have adapted a lot and overcome quite a few hurdles in terms of my emotional feelings about having a new home but, as time goes on, I'm learning that there should always be a balance. Things don't stay the same forever and I've learnt to both embrace and appreciate the new opportunities that have come my way. I'm bringing my sense of home into this new home and slowly but surely I've warmed up to enjoying my time here.

Now that I've let time do its thing, I feel that I can start to look inwardly and improve the relationship I have with myself so I can make my home (i.e. my mind and body) more welcoming. I'll be sure to share bits and pieces with you along the way so feel free to check back in again soon.

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!!

Podcasts have been the "in" thing for a while but I often feel that we underestimate just how much of a positive effect listening to our favourite podcast or listening to an episode a day can do for our mental well-being.

In our early 20s for example, we have always had this mindset that we are now adults who should have everything figured out. We want to act tough and just get on with things without accepting help from anyone else but it doesn't have to be this way.

So, I decided that I would put together 5 of my favourite 'big sister' vibe podcasts in hopes that one of them might be able to help you or guide you no matter what stage of life you are in right now.

Here goes... 

1. 'Unzipped' with Shenae Grimes-Beech and AnnaLynne McCord (includes special guests):

Two actresses from the teen show 90210 come together to host a podcast that covers topic like mental health, social issues, and even parenting. Shenae's strongwilled personality mixed with AnnaLynne's makes for a brutally honest, uncensored podcast. The episodes are hilariously funny, filled with plenty of "challenging the norm" moments but also incredibly heart-warming as you get to hear the thoughts of someone going through the same things as you or at the very least, someone you know.

2. 'Kalyn's Coffee Talk' with Kalyn Nicholson:

I have followed Kalyn for a very long time on YouTube so when she had first announced that she would be starting a podcast a few years back, I was beyond excited. I'm pretty sure I downloaded the 'Castbox' app because of her! This podcast really puts you at ease as Kalyn's conversations on mental health and self-learning allow you to dig deeper to figure out and improve those negative thought processes that a lot of us go through on a daily basis. Her upbeat and positive nature always leaves you feeling lighter!

3. 'MOOD With Lauren Elizabeth' (includes special guests):

YouTuber Lauren Elizabeth created this podcast to share her best and worst moods in every weekly episode. She keeps things interesting with a mix of both solo episodes and episodes with special guests including: authors, creators, actresses and even mental health professionals. Talking about everything from her current obsessions to delving into topics such as: lifestyle choices, relationship advice, self-sabotage, growth, confidence, mental well-being and much more, you'll be sure to find an episode you can listen to, learn from and enjoy!

4. 'Manifest with Tori DeSimone' (includes special guests):

This podcast does exactly what it says - helps you to manifest! Tori's career success and driven personality keeps her listeners incredibly motivated to follow and achieve their dreams. Her weekly episodes are a breath of fresh air and act as a way to make sure you are checking in with yourself and keeping yourself accountable every step of the way. If levelling up your lifestyle, creating your own routine or developing a healthier mindset is something you want to do then this podcast is for you!

5. 'The Papaya Podcast' with Sarah Nicole (includes special guests):

A podcast described as a show where Sarah Nicole "dishes out some sweetness mixed with some seeds of wisdom", it does not disappoint. In the style of Friends episode titles ('The One...'), this podcast covers a variety of very important topics with advice that has the ability to help and comfort so many men and women out there. Whether you are looking for stories/advice from single mothers, CEOs, psychologists or even popular creators, you will not be disappointed. Plus if you manage to tune into any episodes with Shane, Sarah's husband, you will be laughing a whole lot more than you expect!

Comment below your favourite podcast or which one of these you are going to listen to now!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!

I sure haven't said that in a while and I've missed it. Happy New Year as well! I'm not sure at what point we stop saying that but I'm getting it in there now since I haven't spoken to you all in a few months.

Much like the last two years, this month has been one big blur. One minute we're celebrating Christmas and New Year's and before you know it we've reached February and we're all still just as lost and confused about what to do next!

I know that for a select few of you, you've hit the ground running and have already been hitting all sorts of goals but for me, 2022 did not start as I had expected it to in all honesty. I am definitely feeling a sense of disappointment about that because 2021 was an incredible year for me, one of my favourites actually! Clearly my high expectations had an impact on me as I thought those good vibes would carry on into this year too but so far...not so much. 

That's okay though, right? The most beautiful things don't always start off beautiful and even if they do, you can choose to see the beauty in something even if you find it hard to in the moment. The whole "everything happens for a reason" concept.

This month I really just let myself be and to avoid sounding super dramatic, I have found it to be quite a tough month mentally. I guess we all have those niggly thoughts in our minds that are easy to let in but really difficult to kick out and I'm at a loss (still) on ways that I can improve my way of thinking. Sometimes I think "I've got this!" and other times I admit defeat and go back to square one but it's a learning curve. In finding ways to improve and work on yourself, you're bound to have slip-ups and make mistakes, it's only natural.

In addition to all that, I chose to move my body at a slower pace this month and it has been essential for allowing me to feel like I'm having a break. Plus when you pair that with plenty of K-Drama watching on Netflix, you get yourself a very happy girl! I found that after a full on and very "dedicated to exercise" year in 2021 (more to come on that soon), I wanted to take some pressure off and just do what I felt like in each moment.

I stopped posting too. My socials have been relatively quiet other than a couple of random tweets on the odd day here and there or a little love on posts of creators I follow; nothing worth writing home about to be honest. I secretly kind of love it though because it goes back to that idea of removing pressure from myself. The pressure to keep up, to create, to engage, to comment, to like, to post, to story every little thing.

Truth be told, unless you get the balance right, you'll always find yourself trapped in that 24/7 social FOMO hole and it's not a healthy place to be at the best of times so I just stopped caring. I mean I did think about posting on Instagram every day for this year but even the thought left me slightly nauseated so I quickly wiped that out of my mind on January 1st and went on my break a few days later.

It's a journey for sure but it's one that I hope you can all join me on! This is just the start of a new direction, a new focus and a new chapter in my life and as scared as I am of falling along the way, I'm excited to see where these happier changes lead me and I would love if you followed along!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!

I hope you are all doing well and coping in these current times! I figured I would chat to you about something that has been on my mind since this year started. We as a society have had to come to terms with quite a lot over the last year and a half and that includes everything from physical struggles to emotional struggles but the one that hits home most is the mental struggle, which is quite often a result of the previous two. I don't know if it's the idea of becoming increasingly comfortable with who I've become in lockdown or having to constantly adapt to the unknown but I found it all quite stressful up until this year began.

When the first lockdown started, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of fellow bloggers who were taking it all in their stride and offering a way for the rest of us to take our minds off of what was happening. The community is huge and ever growing so you can understand my panic when all the ideas I was conjuring up in my head were quickly becoming popular or had already been done - once again, my desire to not fit in and be different got the better of me. In all honesty I think we all hit that point where we feel that nothing we do is ever good enough and it probably stems from that little nagging voice in our head that offers nothing but pessimistic thoughts.

My fears and worries in those first few weeks soon subsided though as I found my passion for photography and playing with the light in my golden hour series (take a look). I felt different from everybody else because I was offering beautiful photos that were calming and soothing for the soul and they were a hit! As with everything though, concepts get old and you have to quickly move over to the next thing which is so insane because just like fast fashion, fast content changes are a must in this industry!

So a few Instagram themes later and a few months not posting on social media, the start of 2021 saw a huge shift in the type of person I became. I guess my mindset changed and that is where it all begins I think. Once you have things that keep you sane and positive amidst the madness, the better equipped you are to handle things that come your way.

For me, I started exercising every day, I did yoga, I found a new artist to listen to and whose music impacted my life (sorry for the BTS spam if you've seen it haha), I found happiness in alone time which is something that I have always struggled with, I developed my love for dance, amongst so many other things. Admittedly I still had my down moments and times where I felt like I couldn't cope all that well but with every bad day there were so many days where I felt genuine moments of euphoria.

Now that everything is opening up here in the UK, the idea of 'normality' or 'what once was' is somewhat scary to me. I know that it's a learning curve and there will be a period of adjustment but I'm afraid of losing the person I have become. I like the routine I have created for myself and I love the security blanket (if I can call it that) that I have made to protect myself when things get tough. There is of course no reason for me not to be able to still implement said blanket into a new routine because even though growth happens outside your comfort zone, there is nothing wrong with having a bit of familiarity now and again.

I know that I'm not alone in feeling this way and sometimes knowing that can bring a sense of relief especially since the last 18 months have been a bit of a roller coaster for us all. Please feel free to drop a comment down below if you've been feeling the same way as me or if you have any words of wisdom that you think might be helpful!

XOXO