I'm a little nervous about publishing this post, simply because of who ends up reading it...certain topics can be the verbal equivalent of Marmite and opinions can therefore differ!
In today's day and age we are consumed by thoughts: the thoughts of our own, the thoughts of our family, and the thoughts of close friends, all of which are in addition to those thoughts of absolute strangers who inadvertently or sometimes carelessly inform us of their opinions through such systems as social media.
I've noticed, despite the fact that it's not a secret, that a large number of us have this exterior that resonates confidence and strength for all the world to see. Personally, in today's society, I find it difficult to deem someone as 100% genuine. I don't just mean in the sense that what an individual tells you is not always the truth but more so that what they're presenting is the edited version of themselves that they want others to see. Is this version completely false? No. Is this version just one small part of them? Most likely. Admittedly, in some cases, what you see on the outside is in fact what you get on the inside. Are you still following me?
|Don't mind the bikini cover-up tan line ;D
Last year, I found myself pretending to be wholeheartedly comfortable and confident in my bikini (not featured) during my holiday to the stunning country of Greece. The bikini bottoms, that somewhat offered me less coverage than I'm used to, forced me to accept that I was wearing them because, after all, it was a little too late to return them to the store. I've met few people in my life who hand-on-heart feel that they are their own version of Beyonce or the well-known bikini connoisseur Tash Oakley, who I only slightly envy! The only similarity I can find between myself and these gorgeous women is the fact that we define ourselves as curvier females - a label that, in recent years, has most certainly become "all the rage".
I decided that I should be adamant in seeing the bikini scenario as a chance to start over! I'd lost weight afterall and had looked better than I had in the last few years of my life. These reasons left me thinking: why not show off a little more skin? Turns out...deciding to wear both the bikini bottoms and the bikini top (a lovely push-up kind might I add) in front of family is left to the ballsier individuals in life and not me! The most I could do was mix and match one of the items of this bikini with that of others and it sure wasn't going to be the string-like bikini bottoms that made the cut!
Despite this not linking to a specific photo of me on social media looking as confident as can be, it still looks to identify to that issue where we have a specific image that we try to portray. I must admit, my mum's cautious questions wondering about my feeling comfortable in the bikini were from such a thoughtful and kind place but my mind was so fixed upon the idea that I had to be comfortable in this bikini because I was smaller than before and could therefore pull it off better. I know for a fact that Ashley Graham would storm in at this point and tell me that anyone could wear a more revealing bikini and look beautiful! The fact of the matter is, for me, I could wear items of clothing designed for a smaller body - because it's perfectly okay to - but still focus on the aspects of my figure that are "flawed" or that I consider as "less desirable".
This year I return to Greece, a little bigger than before but certainly not the biggest I've ever been. Self-conscious is a slight understatement but who knows how I'll really feel until I get back into a bikini and brave the self-adoring eyes of the Greek gods and goddesses that grace the beach with their presence on the daily. I feel as if this blog post will require a follow-up and I'll be sure to update you on Twitter regarding the likelihood of another post! Until then, I aim to remain as body positive as possible and so should you!
P.S. Let me know in the comment section down below your thoughts on this matter! Have you had similar problems? Let's chat!