Not Vicarious

So the time has come to spread my wings and fly haha. I would argue that I'm still not ready but that's a different story, although I may delve into it a little bit here.

I guess this post is about figuring out why more people don't talk about the not so pretty side of moving out from their family home. We're always overloaded with photos on social media of the brand new set of keys and empty apartment/house tours but not so much the lonely crying sessions and bad days we get from being homesick.

Now that is by no means me saying that we can't post those things but in a world where a lot of us are so confident in telling the world how we feel, why is it so difficult to find somebody who is so honest about what moving out means for their relationships, their self confidence and their newfound "freedom" of living without their family?

I've been hit with the "things will never be the same" statement on more than one occasion and not in a negative "don't leave home" kind of way but more so in a factual "now that you're moving out, things will change". In all honesty, I'm not ready for change but I understand at some point it needs to happen and I've found myself in a situation that's not all bad. In fact, I'm extremely lucky!

A new home means a chance to decorate, furnish and style the place with things that you love and that complement your taste both individually and together with someone you love. A chance to be an adult and buy your own décor because who doesn't love that! On top of that, if you are so lucky that you get to live with a special someone in a new space then you can create your own life together. I know it's not all bad but I keep thinking of what it means for my current situation and what it potentially means that I might miss out on.

I love my family so much and for someone who literally cannot live without their mum it's really hard knowing I might not be able to spend time with her every single day like I do now or anyone in my family for that matter. I keep picturing myself crying in the bathroom at the new place or bursting into tears the moment they leave me as I stand in the hallway and the door closes. Dramatic, right? That's what I mean though, does it only seem dramatic because it's not a widely recorded moment or am I really just being dramatic?

In hopes of validating my own feelings, I would suggest it's the uncertainty that makes me feel like the situation is so scary and gut-wrenching. I left home to go to university but I knew that at the end of the three years I would come back. I had that end goal knowing I would be reunited with my family but this is different, once I leave...I leave. My mum keeps telling me that "this will always be your home" and I couldn't agree more - it's where I feel safest and it's where I feel most me.

I understand that I just need time to adapt and once I set things up and make the place feel like somewhere I belong then I can begin to see myself not being so heartbroken. I would like to note that my emotions and feelings on the topic are of somebody who hasn't moved out yet hence emotions are heightened and the uncertainty is at its peak haha.

I know I will confuse you in saying this but I know that it will be alright but I just don't know how it will be alright. In other words, things always have a way of working themselves out and I will be able to get the balance right between living my "new life" and keeping hold of my "old life" but the specific steps on how to reach that point are a little blurry.

I wish I had more people to relate to or someone to guide me, that's all. Online we can follow people who guide us on parenting, clothes styling, home décor, makeup, fitness, etc. but where are those people who can tell you "it's okay to feel sad about moving out from home, here are some things I did that helped me". Why on such a common thing do I feel like we are left to our own devices? I'm telling you I have no devices and I need help hahaha!

With that said, I am looking forward to this next chapter because I can finally put my BTS album in prime position! I'm totally kidding but in a whirlwind of LED desk lights, pampas grass, IKEA furniture and kitchen cabinet door options, amongst many other things, I am excited to have a new place to call home. Sometimes it's more about counting your blessings in times where you feel lost or the future is uncertain that matters most.

I am conscious that this isn't your usual "I'm moving!!" post haha but I thought I would be honest especially for those of us who don't find these types of things so easy. That being said, please do look forward to more posts about my move and how I choose to navigate this very new life change!

Until next time...

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!!

I have been in a K-Drama wonderland these last couple of months and at one point I actually had four shows on the go, yes...four! That being said, I'm still quite a newbie when it comes to K-Dramas but I love them so much and thought I would share my favourite soundtracks/songs with you all.

So far I've watched Crash Landing On You, Our Beloved Summer, Nevertheless and Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth, and I'm halfway through Fight For My Way and I've just started Something In The Rain. Honestly, I can't get enough haha!

I have listed my favourites tracks below and I've also included some other songs that I've heard and loved but I haven't seen the K-Drama itself (yet). These are literally perfect for those moments you want to feel like you're in a K-Drama or when you want to romanticise your life a little more.

I'll stop being cheesy now and let you scroll through my list:

1. Sunset by Davichi ('Crash Landing On You')

2. Someday by Kim Jae Hwan ('Crash Landing On You')

3. Christmas Tree by V ('Our Beloved Summer')

4. Drawer by 10cm ('Our Beloved Summer')

5. Maybe If by BIBI ('Our Beloved Summer')

6. Summer Rain by Sam Kim ('Our Beloved Summer')

7. There For You by Kim Na Young ('Our Beloved Summer')

8. Red String of Fate by Kim Kyung Hee ('Our Beloved Summer')

9. Definitely You by Jin & V ('Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth')

10. Dream by Bolbbalgan4 ('Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth')

11. Como No Creer En Dios by Cristo Rey ('Hwarang: The Poet Warrior Youth')

12. Love Me Like That by Sam Kim ('Nevertheless')

13. Fall In Love by Jukjae ('Nevertheless')

14. Butterfly by J.UNA ('Nevertheless')

15. Nevertheless by Night Off ('Nevertheless')

16. Sweetbitter by RIO ('Nevertheless')

17. Fight For My Way by Hercheck ('Fight For My Way')

18. Yours by Jin ('Jirisan')

19. Sweet Night by V ('Itaewon Class')

I will probably update this a little more as I keep watching the shows I'm currenly on and maybe once I'm done, I can make a part 2 with the new shows I start!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!

It's Fila weekend on my blog and I can't wait to share my babies with you haha! Honestly, anyone who knows me understands my love for Fila. Somehow they always have the coolest trainers, the coolest collabs (*ahem* BTS) and the coolest style, plus they really have something for everyone!

Today though we will be focusing on the Fila Disruptor II Premium Trainers because they are pure beauties! The moment I saw these I fell in love and that is no exaggeration because they just looked so edgy. I especially loved the overall chunkiness of the shoe and the mini razor-like sole that helped to give it a completely different look to your average pair of trainers.

Admittedly I was worried about the fact that they were white because being my first pair of white trainers has meant that I still haven't been brave enough to wear them out yet unlike the other pair I bought in addition to these. I know that as much as I'd like to keep them pristine and bright white, it's unlikely they'll stay that way for very long unless I clean them after every wear! I promise that they will be worn soon though, I've put it in writing now haha.

In terms of styling these trainers you should have no problem at all - if anything they should help to level up an outfit! My personal go-to look would channel edgy street style by incorporating black combat trousers, a black cropped hoodie, a cross-body bag and these Fila Disruptor II Premium Trainers. Simple but put together at the same time!

If you would love to grab yourself a pair, I'd suggest clicking the link above because they are getting harder to find and are now being reduced to clear on some sites. Don't miss out!

*Affiliate link featured*

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Last time I did one of these playlist posts it was Spring 2021 and I ended up not doing one for the rest of the year. Here we are at late Winter 2022 and I've missed both blogging and these music posts so let's not waste any more time.

Here are just 20 of my current favourite songs! We have some classics, some new favourites, some Twitch streaming hype songs and a little bit of KPOP in between, enjoy!

1. My Universe - Coldplay & BTS

2. Island In The Sun - Weezer

3. Greek Tragedy (Oliver Nelson Remix) - The Wombats

4. You Got It - Vedo

5. Vixen - Miguel

6. Used To - SAYGRACE

7. All Around The World (La La La) - R3HAB & A Touch of Class

8. Astronomia - Vicetone & Tony Igy

9. Go Down Deh (Mixed) - Spice feat. Sean Paul & Shaggy

10. Mama Used To Say - Junior

11. Clementine - grentperez

12. All We Do - Oh Wonder

13. Polaroid Love - Enhypen

14. Heat Waves - Glass Animals

15. Scars - Stray Kids

16. Into The Night - Santana feat. Chad Kroeger

17. Your Love (Déjà Vu) - Glass Animals

18. Tamed-Dashed - Enhypen

19. Drawer - 10cm

20. Love Me Like That - Sam Kim

Comment your favourite songs down below, I'd like to find some new ones for my playlists!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!!

Podcasts have been the "in" thing for a while but I often feel that we underestimate just how much of a positive effect listening to our favourite podcast or listening to an episode a day can do for our mental well-being.

In our early 20s for example, we have always had this mindset that we are now adults who should have everything figured out. We want to act tough and just get on with things without accepting help from anyone else but it doesn't have to be this way.

So, I decided that I would put together 5 of my favourite 'big sister' vibe podcasts in hopes that one of them might be able to help you or guide you no matter what stage of life you are in right now.

Here goes... 

1. 'Unzipped' with Shenae Grimes-Beech and AnnaLynne McCord (includes special guests):

Two actresses from the teen show 90210 come together to host a podcast that covers topic like mental health, social issues, and even parenting. Shenae's strongwilled personality mixed with AnnaLynne's makes for a brutally honest, uncensored podcast. The episodes are hilariously funny, filled with plenty of "challenging the norm" moments but also incredibly heart-warming as you get to hear the thoughts of someone going through the same things as you or at the very least, someone you know.

2. 'Kalyn's Coffee Talk' with Kalyn Nicholson:

I have followed Kalyn for a very long time on YouTube so when she had first announced that she would be starting a podcast a few years back, I was beyond excited. I'm pretty sure I downloaded the 'Castbox' app because of her! This podcast really puts you at ease as Kalyn's conversations on mental health and self-learning allow you to dig deeper to figure out and improve those negative thought processes that a lot of us go through on a daily basis. Her upbeat and positive nature always leaves you feeling lighter!

3. 'MOOD With Lauren Elizabeth' (includes special guests):

YouTuber Lauren Elizabeth created this podcast to share her best and worst moods in every weekly episode. She keeps things interesting with a mix of both solo episodes and episodes with special guests including: authors, creators, actresses and even mental health professionals. Talking about everything from her current obsessions to delving into topics such as: lifestyle choices, relationship advice, self-sabotage, growth, confidence, mental well-being and much more, you'll be sure to find an episode you can listen to, learn from and enjoy!

4. 'Manifest with Tori DeSimone' (includes special guests):

This podcast does exactly what it says - helps you to manifest! Tori's career success and driven personality keeps her listeners incredibly motivated to follow and achieve their dreams. Her weekly episodes are a breath of fresh air and act as a way to make sure you are checking in with yourself and keeping yourself accountable every step of the way. If levelling up your lifestyle, creating your own routine or developing a healthier mindset is something you want to do then this podcast is for you!

5. 'The Papaya Podcast' with Sarah Nicole (includes special guests):

A podcast described as a show where Sarah Nicole "dishes out some sweetness mixed with some seeds of wisdom", it does not disappoint. In the style of Friends episode titles ('The One...'), this podcast covers a variety of very important topics with advice that has the ability to help and comfort so many men and women out there. Whether you are looking for stories/advice from single mothers, CEOs, psychologists or even popular creators, you will not be disappointed. Plus if you manage to tune into any episodes with Shane, Sarah's husband, you will be laughing a whole lot more than you expect!

Comment below your favourite podcast or which one of these you are going to listen to now!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!

Hey lovelies!

7 years with Not Vicarious and almost 200 posts published!

I should probably have way more blog posts published by this point but I'll be sure to make up for lost time after a few of the long breaks that I've had over the last 2 or 3 years. Oddly enough, the year I was going through a lot of really tough things was the year I posted the most - work that one out!

Anyway we've made it another year and I'm so happy to welcome Not Vicarious into its seventh year. I don't have anything in mind in terms of celebrating apart from drafting up more posts for you all! I have finally found joy in it again and I'm clinging onto as much of that excitement as I possibly can.

We always talk about lucky number 7 and how positive a number it can be in some cultures. I would like to think that there's some truth to it especially because I want to be lucky enough to build the community that I have across my platforms and make this blog a safe space for my thoughts/musings in hopes that some of you may be able to relate.

7 years with Not Vicarious means finding my way through the good and the bad and hopefully being brave enough to share some of it with you. I believe that there is comfort in knowing that you're not alone so I aim to continue treating my blog as my little corner of the Internet that you can come over to any time you like.

Take a sweet break from the world or whatever you're going through and enjoy my content - binge read it or take your time, it will always be here. Bring on a new chapter for Not Vicarious!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo

Hey lovelies!

I sure haven't said that in a while and I've missed it. Happy New Year as well! I'm not sure at what point we stop saying that but I'm getting it in there now since I haven't spoken to you all in a few months.

Much like the last two years, this month has been one big blur. One minute we're celebrating Christmas and New Year's and before you know it we've reached February and we're all still just as lost and confused about what to do next!

I know that for a select few of you, you've hit the ground running and have already been hitting all sorts of goals but for me, 2022 did not start as I had expected it to in all honesty. I am definitely feeling a sense of disappointment about that because 2021 was an incredible year for me, one of my favourites actually! Clearly my high expectations had an impact on me as I thought those good vibes would carry on into this year too but so far...not so much. 

That's okay though, right? The most beautiful things don't always start off beautiful and even if they do, you can choose to see the beauty in something even if you find it hard to in the moment. The whole "everything happens for a reason" concept.

This month I really just let myself be and to avoid sounding super dramatic, I have found it to be quite a tough month mentally. I guess we all have those niggly thoughts in our minds that are easy to let in but really difficult to kick out and I'm at a loss (still) on ways that I can improve my way of thinking. Sometimes I think "I've got this!" and other times I admit defeat and go back to square one but it's a learning curve. In finding ways to improve and work on yourself, you're bound to have slip-ups and make mistakes, it's only natural.

In addition to all that, I chose to move my body at a slower pace this month and it has been essential for allowing me to feel like I'm having a break. Plus when you pair that with plenty of K-Drama watching on Netflix, you get yourself a very happy girl! I found that after a full on and very "dedicated to exercise" year in 2021 (more to come on that soon), I wanted to take some pressure off and just do what I felt like in each moment.

I stopped posting too. My socials have been relatively quiet other than a couple of random tweets on the odd day here and there or a little love on posts of creators I follow; nothing worth writing home about to be honest. I secretly kind of love it though because it goes back to that idea of removing pressure from myself. The pressure to keep up, to create, to engage, to comment, to like, to post, to story every little thing.

Truth be told, unless you get the balance right, you'll always find yourself trapped in that 24/7 social FOMO hole and it's not a healthy place to be at the best of times so I just stopped caring. I mean I did think about posting on Instagram every day for this year but even the thought left me slightly nauseated so I quickly wiped that out of my mind on January 1st and went on my break a few days later.

It's a journey for sure but it's one that I hope you can all join me on! This is just the start of a new direction, a new focus and a new chapter in my life and as scared as I am of falling along the way, I'm excited to see where these happier changes lead me and I would love if you followed along!

Love always, Stephanie

xoxo